I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
