i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
