i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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