Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
