Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
