the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
