you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
