that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
