i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dear god my vagina.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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