he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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