You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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