Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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