But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
