I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
