I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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