it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
