That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
