I look better un-naked...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
