carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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