Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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