bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
