he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
