this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
