Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
