All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
