I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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