I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
