Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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