The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
