I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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