i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
