Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
