I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
