maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
