So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
