ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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