Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
