We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
