so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
