Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
