and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
