honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
