her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
