i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
