Someone shit on the floor
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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