i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
