the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
