So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
