Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The feeling are messing with the penis
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
