Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
