She is in my trunk
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
how drunk are you?
Several
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
