meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will be naked everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
